Dear Amy: I am a mother-in-law for the first time.
We are a united family. We have always kept in touch with each other on a regular basis, even after the children left home.
My son and my new daughter-in-law live about 90 minutes.
My daughter-in-law seems happy to keep contact to a minimum. This includes discussing / celebrating important events, both happy and sad.
For example, I am going through a difficult separation from my husband. I told my daughter-in-law that it would mean a lot to me to know about her, to know that she is worried about me.
When I expressed my feelings, she stated that I was telling her "how,quot; to love me. I told him that a loving family should be able to express their needs with each other.
A mother / son was not allowed to dance at her wedding because she lost her father and was told that it would be too difficult for her to see us dance.
I danced with my son at the end of the night, and she murmured to me that I didn't intend to be "a jerk …" about the dance.
Now they expect their first child, and my son called to tell me that the baby will be born with a heart defect and will need surgery at some point.
He asked me to wait a day before calling her.
I called her and left a message. She did not answer the call or send me a text message.
I don't understand why she keeps me at a distance.
She knows that I have them near my heart. She is not close to her mother. They rarely talk, and she has said that she is fine with both, but I am not that kind of mother! How can I get it closer to me?
– Unhappy mom
Dear broken heart: First, you need to discover how to be less heartbroken and more patient and understanding with a young woman who may not know how to be intimate in the way she is.
It is not appropriate for you to share details of your separation from your husband with this new family member, and ask (or expect) your emotional support. Presumably, the husband from whom he is separated is his new father-in-law. Your emotional needs feel like a demand; This puts a lot of pressure on her.
She has no father and has a distant relationship with her mother.
You shouldn't tell him how to love you. Instead, it should show you how a patient, compassionate, loving and good-natured mother behaves.
You should not expect a call from an anxious and pregnant daughter-in-law with a terrifying diagnosis that has already admitted that she does not always know how to behave.
Approach her with the goal of building a friendship. Don't pressure her to be a daughter to you. She is not ready!
Your DIL needs to be able to trust that you will not overreact or transfigure your dramas into yours. This requires that both learn to behave differently.
Dear Amy: Is there any acceptable way to ask people on the plane or in a waiting room if they are contagious?
I'm not sure what I would do if they said "yes,quot;, but maybe they would make a greater effort to cover their cough, or they would use cough drops!
– Rather not get sick
Dear Rather not: By writing these lines, the coronavirus, which originated in China, is spreading.
Children (quite appropriately) are taught to cough and sneeze into their elbows. This technique is recommended by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (cdc.gov). The CDC also recommends coughing in a tissue and then throwing it away.
If you are in a doctor's waiting room, you should assume that someone close to you who is coughing is contagious.
This is from the CDC website: "The cough label is especially important for infection control measures in health care settings, such as emergency departments, doctors' offices and clinics."
A polite way to remind someone to cover their cough would be to say: “It seems that you are sick. Would you mind covering your cough?
Dear Amy: In an earlier column, he recommended "relocating,quot; a trio of squirrels that tormented a new owner.
In many states, it is illegal to relocate wild animals. The squirrels were there before the homeowner. They get the first dibs.
– squirrel lover
Dear lover: Thank you. These squirrels were being fed by a neighbor. The U.S. Department of Agriculture UU. It is not advisable to feed wild animals.
If these neighbors did not feed the squirrels, they could relocate.